The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
