ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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