I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's the barista slut.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
