see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
