He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
