I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
