So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
