She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
