She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
