at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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