the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
