you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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