so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
