He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
