Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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