My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
