the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
