I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
