his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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