I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
third nipple confirmed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
