i don't like sucking hair
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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