i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
