omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
