he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
