you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i now understand why vodka
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
