I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
