allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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