I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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