I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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