I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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