how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
