Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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