her vagine was all disorganized.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sober January is a disaster.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
