What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
