Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
