I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
