i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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