just tell him i said nine months
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
