ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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