i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
