Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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