Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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