dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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