Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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