she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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