He is an equal opportunity slut.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
