I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
