You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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