guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
