I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
