After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
