I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
