they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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