i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
