lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
